Cat Wars Part 2

The battle rages. Five days after the brown bag incident, Chumbles and Fucko the Clown can still barely stand to share the same air. Fucko the Clown remains sequestered in the bedroom, bawling his lungs out, while Chumbles has taken up post out in the living area of the apartment. Any brief incursions into their makeshift DMZ (otherwise called the hallway), be they intentional or mistaken, are met with bushy tails, tense feline muscles and a lot of prickling back hair, not to mention the growling and hissing.

The Great Organiser has put in considerable hours of research into their behaviour. The internet, ever the source of unbiased opinion, has identified the cats' problem as fear-induced aggression. We're following the prescription. Keeping the cats separated and hopped up on a cocktail of soothing pheromones has done a lot to mollify their temperament, but when one acts in a sudden manner during their scheduled re-socialising sessions it's as if somebody just announced that missile silos had been discovered in Cuba.

The soundtrack for all of this: The Offspring's Come Out and Play. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a horrible song—Chumbawamba's Tubthumping rates up there with it as two of the most annoying pop songs of the past 30 years—but when "you've gotta keep them separated" what else is likely to run through your head? It's almost annoying as the cats themselves.