Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Pet Peeves - Fixie Bikes

You've seen a fixie before. They're those bikes ridden primarily by hipsters around the Mission District. They have no brakes and run via a direct drive mechanism—no slack-legged freewheelin' for our well-heeled trendy types, just a lot of arse-over-tit skid stops and plenty of more-fashionable-than-thou looks at the stop lights, assuming they bother to stop at the lights. And that's kind of rare. Stopping is kind of difficult on a fixie. But everyone cool is riding a fixie these days. Why aren't you?


This is a fixie. No brakes. No gears. Only hipsters ride them.

Well, if you're like me then you're avoiding them on account of the fact that they're the hipster analog of the oversized jeans worn by would-be gangsters that belt loosely around their mid-thigh region. Okay, the analog falls apart when you consider that fixie bikes are a mode of transport whereas half-mast gangster jeans are a, erm, um, I'm not sure what they're supposed to achieve. But they're a fad, just like the current eighties revival that's compelling far too many young women to wear leg warmers and inflict a kind of Flock of Seagulls attack on their hair.

Roll into the haughty arrogance that comes with being hipper than anyone else on the street the kind of sanctimony expressed by far too many bicyclists. You're both pushing the limits of fashion AND kidding yourself that you're saving the planet. It's a great mix. The end result is perhaps the most obnoxious group of riders on the road, SUV drivers included. With all that in mind you can imagine the kind of laugh that came blurting out of my mouth when I noticed the following bumper sticker on a car as I belted my way down Page on my single gear clunker bike. It's not a fixie. There is a difference. The sight was enough to make me use my brakes (yeah, brakes, fixie riders, they're handy things), turn about and take a snap.


If driving a beaten up black Jetta around San Francisco means there's one less fixie on the road then I'm with you, whoever you are. Keep fighting the good fight.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh dear. Prior to reading this, I had no idea what a fixie was. Or even a hipster for that matter!! God, maybe thirty is the new forty?!

Anonymous said...

Cant one brake on a fixie by reversing? Thats what we did on the roadster bikes in Davis....which I am equating to these so called fixies.

I have taken to beer drinking over the years instead of riding bikes! I tried mixing the two at university, but it didn't work out to well.

RBT said...

Yeah, you have to use your leg strength to arrest the motion of the bike. There are some people who are really good at it, but it still seems kind of deadly to me.

Beccy said...

I was wondering how one stopped and find it explained...thank you.

Anna said...

the screenprinting shop i used to work at printed one less fixie stickers. at that time, i'd just finished my fixie conversion, when school started, I donned my scarves, fingerless gloves, skinny jeans and started working at a coffee shop. i'm definitely more hip than you, if only becuase i spent more than your last three paychecks on components for my bike.

i'm going straight to hell, because i have no brakes and i won't be able to stop on the way down.

Anonymous said...

i came across your blog by searching "fixie", and was really amused.

i too, am guilty of riding a fixie, but i've been racing them in a velodrome for years. you don't need brakes in a velodrome, for obvious reasons, the main one being THERE'S NO CARS!!!

i am also guilty of riding my TRACK (yes, that's it's REAL name) bike on the city streets without brakes, but i'm never reckless, and can stop nearly as effectively as a bike with brakes.

with all that said, let me say this: i LOVE fixed gear bikes, but i HATE "fixie" culture.

"fixie" is the new "emo"!

Unknown said...

A track bike is a fixie, but all fixies aren't necessarily track bikes

Anonymous said...

I too am a fixed gear bike rider, and find your blog both amusing and ignorant.

Anonymous said...

i made this sticker. its available at 2inches.com

Anonymous said...

this is the most ignorant uninformed rant i've read in a while. why not go bash the 10 speed wanna be lance armstrongs, asshole.

Anonymous said...

i laughed pretty hard, good article. the reason why people dont make fun of the lance armstrong wannabes is because they are stupid. having a good bike makes sense, having a death trap doesnt.

Anonymous said...

i also googled "fixie" and came across your blog, but i gotta say, don't hate cause you don't understand. fixie culture is full of hipsters, but whatever-every niche interest has those who are pretentious and obnoxious. i ride a fixie and I LOVE it. fixed gear, fixie, tomatoe tomato, shut up and ride a bike you cubicle turd.

Anonymous said...

Fixie riders are the cycling eqivalent of Vegans who are too cool to be just 'Vegetarian'.

Anonymous said...

You're kind of obnoxious yourself. I ride a fixed gear because it's the most comfortable, practical bike for me to ride. That is what cycling is all about, catering to the individual. The fact that some people have made it into a culture is not surprising, since the same is to be said for cars and motorcycles. There is a large group of assholes out there who think they rule the road with their hummers. You've just got to relax, man!

Anonymous said...

I'm vegan and a fixie rider.....
Dave W, go fuck yourself.
I went from vegetarian to vegan because of morals, not fashion, you fucking idiot.
and i went from riding an average road bike to riding fixed because it's fun as hell!
but, polished turd, you're right, i do think i am better than you, and i stand by that.

AdamL said...

there are a lot of wrongdoings in the world far more deserving of your harsh criticism than fixie riders. And that bumper sticker should read "one fewer fixie," because i think correct grammar is more effective than incorrect grammar, which is insight into the illegitimacy of your cause.

Anonymous said...

Funny how the fixie riders' comments prove your point. nice fixy beater

Anonymous said...

Once you get fixed-you can never go back.

Fixed? That's what they do to dogs.

Anonymous said...

Even though I am in the process of building a fixie myself, I'm with the turd. This blog is tits!

Anonymous said...

so isnt anyone going to make fun of people who ride those dumbass folding bikes or how about the comfort bike?

riding a fixie wether or not theres a culture around it doesnt make you part of the culture.

since i started riding a fixie i will not ride anything else its co,fortable you have more control and if you know what your doing you can stop just as well as anyone else with brakes.

Anonymous said...

hater. no clutter, less to worry about breaking, and i keep a front brake on mine just for you faggot

Anonymous said...

The folding bikes and recumbents are simply too easy to make fun of. It's almost not fair.

Anonymous said...

this blog post is fucking retarded and so are most of the people who have commented here.

Unknown said...

I googled "i hate fixies" because I know there are some strong feelings about them and found this blog. I like it. I'm not sure how I really feel about fixies. Growing up in Mass, I saw people ride track bikes in Boston (which is mostly flat) and always thought it was pretty bad ass. It is not easy to do. That being said, the number of people riding fixies here in the city is fucking crazy! At first I was way turned off because of the hipster uniform. Large groups dressing the same way freaks me out. BUT I have to say, living in Potrero Hill, and driving my "SF inappropriate truck" all over the city as a carpenter, I have NEVER had an issue with a fixie rider. If you need a group to hate on for public danger it's the goddamn Prius drivers! Holy shit! Turn on your fucking lights when it's raining and/or dark and you're driving that earth tone silent turtle! And learn how to park! And use your fucking blinkers! So to all the fixie riders, as long as you dont drive a Prius (or take yourself too seriously), you're okay in this guy's book. Enjoy the Animal Collective show.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

i dont think its the bikes who piss people off but the stuck up indie fags who ride them. im getting a fixie and im gonna wear polos and khakis while eating a burger just to piss off the indie fags.

Anonymous said...

mr "the polished turd" you obviously don't know much about riding a fixed gear bike do you? i have been riding a track bike (on the road) for sometime now and find it keeps me fitter, gets me around faster and possible most importantly is a heck of a lot more fun to ride then any other bike i have owned/tried in my life. i live in a town next to cardiff in wales and have never heard of the term "hipster" before in my life. i am the only person in my town that owns a fixed gear bike and i am defiantly not trying to follow a fashion trend! i ride because i love it! try not hating on something you don't understand.

Fixie from Barcelona said...

Another blind opinion about fixies ... Maybe you could try one before opining. I'm sure you would enjoy it. There's more than fashion in it (decades of tradition confirm it) Too many ignorance for just one blog.

Anonymous said...

I like how everybody gets angry over the type of bike someone rides... Its just a bike i dont really agree with the culture but seriously get over it and get a life

Anonymous said...

Not having brakes is a liability. There's some damned fool fixie riders around here that don't stop for anyone or anything and have a bad tendency to swerve into traffic. If I hit one I'll have to resist the urge to put my car in reverse.

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