I'm going to come charging out of the gate with my commentary on this film; its awesomeness is matched only by its astonishing stupidity. Make no mistake, Transformers is a Michael Bay film, and if your memory of schlocky summer blockbusters needs any refreshing a few of his towering contributions to the cinematic art form include Armageddon, Bad Boys and Pearl Harbor. Yes, Pearl Harbor—the film that, despite sexing up what was a lightning strike on a dormant fleet into a drawn-out 45 minute bullets & bombs slugfest, managed to shit all over the legacy of the thousands who died via perhaps the sluttiest love story ever to grace the screen.
Señor Bay's oeuvre is pretty much defined by variations on the concoction outlined above: hot chicks in slutty romances, really huge explosions and no regard for story, plot, character development or—God forbid—causality. Transformers is in no way a departure from Mr. Bay's established aesthetic; the special effects signal a milestone achievement, the audio engineering is completely immersive and none of it makes a lick of sense.
Here are some of the points that made me feel like I left fifty or so IQ points in the movie theater.
Why does freezing the robots immobilise them when they're apparently capable of functioning in the cold depths of space?
Why is the network breaker locked when it is needed the most? Shouldn't it be readily accessible in the event of an emergency?
Why is Soundwave so adept at taking out secret service agents on Airforce One but really struggles when in combat with a small group of cryptographers?
Why are Sam's parents so oblivious to the presence of four 40 foot tall robots in their back yard?
Why does shoving the cube into a robot's chest kill it? Why shouldn't it miraculously transform the robot into something new since it was established that the cube can bring machinery to life? For that matter why shouldn't the cube imbue the robot with so much power that it becomes a super robot?
How can a 75 metre tall cube transform down into a cube about the size of a computer monitor? What happens to all the extra mass?
How does Bumblebee know how to activate the cube's transformation when an army of scientists who have been working on the problem for nearly a hundred years have no idea?
What purpose did the blond Australian woman serve aside from providing window dressing?
I've barely scratched the tip of the iceberg that represents all of the plot holes and gaffes that riddle the film. They're manifold and overwhelming. Oddly enough Michael Bay has been engaged in a war of words of sorts with the producer of the film, Tom DeSanto, over writing credits. Considering the ridiculousness of the story, one would expect them to be fighting over who gets to distance himself most from the mess, but no, they're each trying to hog their share of the glory.
And glorious it no doubt will be once the receipts have been counted. Transformers is the kind of silly summer junk that packs the seats at megaplexes, and I'm counted amongst them. Calculated, profit-maximising entertainment targeted at delivering the highest spectacle to intellectual engagement ratio will always sell, and as the weeks progress expect the coffers of Hasbro and Paramount to balloon. The kids are putting mustard on it and eating it up. Watching really big robots beat the living shit out of each other is going to be fun no matter what, but does it really have to be so stultifying?
The sequel is slated for a 2009 release.
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4 comments:
i tend to stay away from anything Michael Bay-related, although I must admit I kind of enjoyed The Island :/
In short...I thought this film blows. But hats off to my friend Dave who did some of the effects. Good job...the saving grace.
Although, I will say that at least they didnt explain things away like the Core did (which is total drivel). In that film, oddities like how will they survive outside in the 1000's degree heat and the huge pressure inside the earth, are explained away with a simple....well with the newly invented super coolant suites and special pressure resistant capsule. See easy!
So I should rent it and mute out the dialogue?
Definitely kill the dialog. There's nothing about the movie that makes sense at all.
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